[+] Bisexuals Overlooked in the Debate on Equal Marriage Rights

[This article makes an excellent point, as there are literally millions of people who are heterosexually married but gay, lesbian, bisexual, or questioning. Personally, I have met well over a hundred gay men who were in heterosexual marriages. Organizations exist to help people (on both 'sides') deal with this, as well as gay fathers organizations. Sociological studies long ago established that many, if not most, of the men who frequent men's public bathrooms for the purpose of having sex are married or in heterosexual relationships.

Acceptance and legalization of gay marriage, civil union or domestic partnerships would help to avoid tremendous confusion and suffering that ensues from such mismatched marriages. Even conservative evangelical ministers must be aware of these problems (though their general lack of sympathy toward gay people probably tends to make them less likely to hear from or be available to counsel with parishoners who are in such situations).

Some of the main reasons for such marriages, of course, are the pressures and expectations placed on people by society in general, but especially by religious groups, for young people to marry and have children.

-- Revrickm]


Bisexuals Overlooked in the Debate on Equal Marriage Rights

September 21, 2004, Washington, DC - In the hundreds of stories written about 'gay marriage' in recent months, one group of people deeply affected by the issue has been left out: bisexuals. According to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, this omission has not only made the record factually incomplete, but has helped contribute to an oversimplification of an emotional-laden and complex issue.

For example, when the Washington Post wrote about the first same-sex couple to marry in Massachusetts on May 17, 2004, its front-page headline read, "A Carefully
Considered Rush to the Altar; Lesbian Pair Wed After 7 Years Together," referring to Robyn Ochs and Peg Preble, but the headline was wrong. One of the two, Robyn Ochs, is not only bisexual but a co-founder of the Bisexuality Resource Center and one of the nation's most prominent bisexual leaders for more than 20 years. Even though Ms. Ochs emphasized her orientation as a bisexual in speaking with the reporter, this was never mentioned, other than the article noting that she teaches about bisexuality at Tufts University.

The same thing happened to Toby and Jean Adams of Auburn, CA, who were married in February 2004 when San Francisco started issuing licenses to same-sex couples. Their wedding story was covered by several media outlets, including The Auburn Journal and
Salon.com ("Same Sex Family Values," October 20, 2003). While the couple explicitly said that they were both bisexual women, only one of the articles labeled them as such.

These inaccuracies mean a lost opportunity to highlight not only the dilemmas faced by bisexuals, but the inconsistencies inherent in current marriage laws.

"Same-sex marriage is more than a lesbian or gay issue. The marriage issue is a big deal for bisexuals who haven't found their life partner yet," said Toby Adams, Chair of the Placer County Chapter of Marriage Equality California. "On a first date, with everything else going through your mind, who wants to be thinking, 'So if this is The One, I get to look forward to either (a) A life of wedded bliss, or (b) A life of second-class citizenship, depending on what the sex that date happens to be.'"

"As bisexuals, we have a first-person view of how ridiculous marriage laws are," added Chris O'Hare, who also stood in line with his bisexual partner and thousands of other couples to tie the knot at San Francisco City Hall. "On the one hand, I'm welcomed to get married and raise a family. On the other, I'm actively discouraged. It solely depends on the sex of my partner."

In addition, the invisibility of bisexuals in the coverage of same sex marriage is a missed opportunity to underscore the complexity of the debate, according to the Task Force.

"The opponents of marriage equality consistently seek to reduce this emotional and complex issue to straight versus gay, good versus evil, religiously-blessed love
versus mere sex," said Matt Foreman, Task Force Executive Director. "In reality, marriage is about much more than gender and sexual orientation, it is much more than a package of civil rights and responsibilities, and it is about much more than sex.
Highlighting bisexuals in the debate underscores all of this and shows that love and commitment are wonderfully complex and multi-dimensional."

Author, activist and sexologist Dr. Loraine Hutchins agrees, "Bisexuals who married same sex partners in California, Massachusetts, New York, or Belgium, the Netherlands or Canada have a distinct perspective on marriage equality. It's not who you love that's important, but how you love and that you love, and are loved in return. All the ways we make families and intimate connection are important and all are equally valuable and worthy of societal support. Equal marriage is a good beginning."

****

Resources Include:

BiNet USA
Bisexuality Resource Center
Bisexuality.org
More resources available in the Task Force online links resource page.

Celebrate Bisexuality Day is September 23, 2004. More info:
http://www.thetaskforce.org/media/release.cfm?releaseID=737

[Founded in 1973, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force was the first national lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) civil rights and advocacy organization and remains the movement's leading voice for freedom, justice, and equality. We work to build the grassroots political strength of our community by training state and local activists and leaders and organizing broad-based campaigns to defeat anti-LGBT
referenda and advance pro-LGBT legislation. Our Policy Institute, the community's premiere think tank, provides research and policy analysis to support the struggle for complete equality. As part of a broader social justice movement, we work to create a world that respects and makes visible the diversity of human expression and identity where all people may fully participate in society. Headquartered in Washington, DC, we also have offices in New York City, Los Angeles, and Cambridge. For more information on the Task Force, visit http://www.TheTaskForce.org .

-- Task Force Media, listmgr@thetaskforce.org]

Copyright © 2004 National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

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